Dr Crowley is back in Emmerdale! And he is properly evil now, not just a bit evil like he was last time. And we are absolutely blooming loving it, even though it’s totally ridiculous!

In fact, you have to imagine us writing this week’s Emmerdale review with a slightly bewildered expression. Because this week’s Emmerdale was bonkers but also a lot of fun – just as a soap should be!

Here’s what we thought of the craziness in this week’s Emmerdale review.

Dr Crowley is back!

Well, well, well. Joe’s tormentor is Dr Crowley, and Kim’s mystery man is also Dr Crowley! We don’t know how he finds the time!

Anyway this story is bonkers and it makes very little sense, but we’re weirdly loving it. It feels like something from a US soap. We’re half expecting Dr Drake Ramoray to show up.

The blackmail letter was amazing in its vagueness. ‘Pay £100,000’, it demanded. With no actual blackmail threat. For future reference, Dr C, that’s not how blackmail works.

Anyway, despite the lack of threat, Joe was rattled, though we weren’t sure why. Mind you, he was even more rattled later when Shaun (or should we call him ‘Knifey Shaun’?) donked him on the head with his shiny new spade and he woke up in some sort of weird warehouse lined with plastic sheeting.

Dr Crowley wants Joe’s money. And also Kim’s money!

It wasn’t completely clear what Crowley was going to do, other than take Joe’s donated kidney out again and feed it to Shaun’s hitherto unmentioned and unseen labrador. It was enough of a threat to make Joe immediately cave in and hand over the login details for his bank account. The one easily accessible current account where savvy businessman Joe keeps all his money. Riiiiiight.

And then, when Crowley showed up at Home Farm, Joe didn’t so much as blink. Why didn’t he tell Kim? We know Crowley’s scary and sinister, but he’s no match for Ms Tate! We reckon she’d be very unimpressed if she knew her new bloke ‘Eddie’ was about to fleece her.

Totally ridiculous the whole thing may have been, but it was also extremely entertaining. We blooming loved it.

Dawn and Joe’s not-so-torrid affair

One thing we’re still not on board with, is the romance between Dawn and Joe. It’s already duller than ditchwater. There’s so little chemistry between them that we’re surprised when they kiss.

Gabby’s diet disaster

Away from Home Farm, Gabby was on a mission to lose weight in order to fit into a slinky dress for her engagement party to Vinny, who may or may not be gay.

Not that Gabby knows that.

Anyway, Gabby was drinking buckets of black coffee and exercising like a mad thing, just like she was a rich housewife in the 1980s.

It was quite funny, until she passed out at the wheel of her car and almost killed herself and Sarah.

Sarah’s surrogacy stupidity

Speaking of Sarah, what in the name of all that is holy is going on with her?!

We get that she’s poorly and that she won’t live long. We understand that her mum has sodded off to the other side of the world, and her dad is nowhere to be seen. We are sympathetic to her plight. It’s very sad. But OMG why is everyone afraid to say no to her?

Cain almost had it when he said kids weren’t everything, then he immediately changed his mind and decided to help his miserable granddaughter have a baby she won’t live to see grow up. Just like buying little Frankie some sweets when she’s upset.

Having a baby is madness, finding a surrogate is bonkers, and Sarah is being staggeringly selfish about this whole thing.

In fact in all her whining this week it was glaringly obvious that the one person she didn’t mention, and didn’t give one second’s thought to, was the baby.

We think she needs some counselling, some help with making plans for her future and preferably a long holiday Down Under so we don’t have to hear her moaning for a while. But she absolutely doesn’t need a baby.

Also, how weird was it when she was recuperating at home and just sitting on the sofa staring at the wall? No TV, no phone, no book. Very odd. Watch some telly, Sarah, love. Might distract you from all the self pity.